53. JERK: Still a JERK!

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JERK is back, baby. The future freaking sucks.

nah sounds too hard

fine

First we gotta beat the robot using strategy.

Then we gotta get a robot while we're here.

Perfect.

JERK wants to get in on a rumble, but these dorks won't let him in, probably because they know he could kick all their asses.

Pathetic.

Anyway everything turns out fine because everything dies. We end up in a total dump though.

Decided.

Nerdo plays hard to get.

I didn't bother checking in with Spekkio through the LP because big whoop. Here's his form at max level.

LOSER

Apparently there was nothing worth talking about in 1000AD or 600AD, which makes perfect sense. JERK and his L99 crew are totally screwed in their inability to cast another target-all spell to instantly wipe these guys.

I'm particularly proud of this one.

What a friggin' dork. Never invite a robot to a prehistoric boozefest.

Hell yeah

If you really suck at button mashing, the game feels sympathy for you and gives you the win.

Anyway we partied too hard, go figure when the leader's name is drunk.

A perpetual state of inebriation...mankind truly did devolve in the past millions of years.

Anyway we kill things. Because JERK.

JERK and drunk, best friends forever.

drunk is the best.

Oh yeah Glenn's still here.

I mentioned this before, but while Lucca takes priority over Robo for this scene, you can come here as Robo/Marle and then swap Marle with Lucca.

Anyway seeing a damn sword makes Nerdo believe in God. Or maybe Satan. Same thing in JERK's eyes.

FORGING YOUR OWN PATH WITH BLOOD AND STEEL

You can kill Ozzie if you chip away enough. It just removes the target from battle, only giving you the lever. Meh.

We can decently counter Shadow now!

Maybe a bit too well!

I too wish random women would cheer me on as I slept in bed.

Finally the cool person is back, what a terrible drunk-less ten screenshots we suffered.

yeah that sounds about right

Sure, why not.

Anyway drunk goes on another bender and ends up committing genocide before the giant space porcupine comes in and steals her credit.

This is how drunk lives her life, for better or worse.

Mostly worse.

tldr

Sue me, I couldn't think of anything clever and I'm due for a proper DONGS name in one of these damn LP's.

A tale of contrasts.

No. Stop trying to seem worldly, drunk, stick to wanton destruction and disorderly conduct.

drunk will be your friend, whether you want her to be or not.

So this may have turned less about JERK and more "the drunk show" but somehow I don't think anyone is going to complain.

drunk no lose, JERK, get the hell up you lazy idiot

oops

Priorities.

drunk feels no emotions. drunk only feels the gentle numbness of the buzz.

Good job, drunk! This is the sky!

It's not what you call it, it's how you use it.

"I DON'T HAVE HIM"

A happy ending for DONGS.

A not-so-happy ending for JERK.

This time I'm going to fight Magus.

If Frog is in the party, he will fight Magus alone. If he isn't, all three characters will fight Magus.

Either way, he's not really too tough if you've made it to this point.

Also nice.

The main thing killing Magus does is remove the curse on Frog, which basically changes the ending at points, depending on things. I'll show those off soon enough.

You do get the Amulet Schala gave him, though.

After a lengthy grieving process over international waters...

...the gang copes the only way they know how.

By losing boatloads of money in illegal casino games.

Also Satanic rituals.

Satan works in mysterious ways.

You dummy! You wouldn't believe what we had to go through for you!

You mess up again... And we won't save you!

Anyway Lucca has her own variation if Marle isn't in the party. Sadly none of the other characters will hug Crono.

Yes, so

LET'S DO THIS

If you fight Lavos using the flight-enabled Epoch, it will drastically change the main endings. This doesn't affect the Epoch before it has wings, though, for reasons you're about to see.

It also has special music just for this scene.

Determination

drunk wants to ram our only time machine into the thing, and if we die, so what?

Can't say I really disagree with this logic.

The moment Nadia realizes she's about to die.

And with that...

...Probably should've just taken the bucket.

Besides the ending, this is a one-way trip. Unlike the other ways to reach Lavos, once you break in through the Epoch, you can't leave or save. On the other hand, this method lets you completely skip the outer phase of the fight, including all those boss forms.